6 Tips to Overcome Perfectionism

Photo by William Oh

Are you a high achiever or a perfectionist? 

While high-achievers are motivated to do their best at a satisfactory and healthy level, perfectionists fear failure.

Perfectionism can do more harm than good because it increases anxiety and stress.

They actually achieve less because of their diminished self-esteem. As a result, perfectionism leaves one feeling insecure and inadequate.

Interestingly, both types of people are driven for success. However, their motives differ greatly so it’s important to distinguish the differences.

Perfectionism and Ballet

Let’s be real—If there is any profession that relentlessly strives for perfectionism, it is ballet. (Need I say, Black Swan?)

And yet, I have had both the pleasure (and perhaps torture) of dedicating twenty beautiful years of my life to this mentally and physically demanding profession that overvalues perfectionism.

Over the years, what I have learned is that perfectionism is not only unattainable, it is also unrealistic and more importantly, boring; it is actually our flaws and imperfect attributes that make us unique and worthwhile. 

It took me almost twenty years for me to realize this. However, there are certain tips that have helped me overcome perfectionism:

1. Determine whether you are a perfectionist

Do you have trouble figuring out whether you are a perfectionist? If so, ask yourself the following questions:

Do I have unrealistic expectations?

Do I feel anxious trying to meet my own standards?

Do people often tell me that I worry excessively over meeting my own expectations?

Do I procrastinate often for fear of not being perfect?

If you say yes to any of these questions, you might be a perfectionist.

Although perfectionism is sometimes viewed as a positive trait rather than a flaw, it’s important to understand the consequences that come along with it.

2. Listen to your inner voice

Apart from asking yourself the above questions, it also helps to listen to your inner voice, particularly to negative self-talk.

Are you having any inner dialogues with yourself that may be limiting your abilities? (“I’m a total failure” or “Johny would think I’m a complete idiot!”)

Negative self-talk can have toxic effects and is oftentimes correlated with depression, anxiety, and burnout. Therefore, it's important to be aware of what narratives you tell yourself.

3. Use the backward goal-setting technique

Ask yourself whether your goals are actually realistic. If you have unrealistic expectations and standards for yourself, you’ll keep feeling inadequate.

I personally like to use the backward goal-setting technique where you start by determining a date for your end goal, then work backward.

This helps me to see whether my goals are achievable from a chronological point of view. If I think they aren’t realistic, I go back and adjust them.

4. Focus on the bigger picture

If you feel that perfectionism is taking a mental toll on you, ask yourself the following questions:

Would this make a big difference in my life 10 years later from now?

What is the worst that could happen?

If the worst would happen, can I survive?

Many of us may be guilty of catastrophic thinking, a thought process where one automatically assumes the worst-case scenario or believes that things are much worse than they actually are.

But many times, what we’re actually worried about today won’t make a significant difference in the long-term future.

Some things are just not as important as they seem to be at the moment. 

5. Think about the opportunity cost

The next time you are worried about being perfect, consider the opportunity cost that you are paying. In economic theory, opportunity cost is defined as the value of what a business or individual loses when choosing between two or more options.

We can use this perspective to study our behaviors as well.

For example, imagine you spend three hours instead of one hour preparing for a speech because you are a perfectionist.

But if you can be satisfied with an imperfect but good-enough result, you can sleep, eat, watch TV, go out with friends, or play with your cat for two additional hours.

These activities are essentially what you 'give up' for being a perfectionist. In the long run, these consequences may be more damaging; perhaps you are giving up your physical and/or mental health by being stressed.

So next time you notice yourself being a perfectionist, remind yourself of what that is actually costing you.

6. Change your behavior through exposure

The desire to be perfect is much like having a “phobia” of being imperfect. In order to reduce fear and anxiety responses, expose yourself to imperfect situations (exposure therapy in psychology).

For example, try purposefully making small errors in your e-mail or practice saying, “oh, I forgot about that, sorry.” 

If you aren’t comfortable with such situations just yet, take advantage of visualization techniques. That way, you won’t have to endure the scenario in a real-life situation but you can still record the event as memory in your brain.

Final Thoughts

Many people strive for success but at the same time, they struggle with perfectionism too.

Don’t be too hard on yourself because the unrealistic and unattainable standards that we sometimes give ourselves can do more harm than good.

I hope these tips help you as it has certainly helped me over the years. I wish you all the best!